So, I have been practicing Bikram Yoga for just over 4 years now. I am a strong practitioner, a bit of an A-type in the studio. I am my biggest competition. I love the yoga, it has changed my life, but I have gone through fazes of not being sure if it is helping my body or not. I have had serious back pains, leg pains, knots and kinks, you name it. I am often told that for strong students like me these things tend to happen, to the extreme.
Since I have moved to Paris I have internalized alot of stress and after just 2 weeks of being here my yoga practice had completely changed, for the worse. I was used to a quite flexible practice, which I worked hard for. I was used to making it quite far in certain postures, standing forehead to knee, backbends, balancing... I was proud of myself. 2 weeks in Paris and I felt like I had never done yoga before. I was blocked.
I wont get into too many details but I have felt like a weak and ill person. I have been very confused and frustrated as I eat very well (with some indulgences), I have a regular yoga practice, I don't over indulge on alcohol or cigarettes - I consider myself healthy. I have been experiencing serious knee and back problems, taking me to the osteopath. My asthma has returned after 16 years. I have had rashes, cold sores and headaches. Am I allergic to Paris? Is this a sign I should not be here?
I went to yoga last week after a month off during some adjustments with my osteopath. I made it through the first two standing series' and then we hit the floor. I was taking the class easy, we got to Cobra and all of a sudden something happened. I have no idea what and I tried not to be dramatic, but my back was having spasms, I could not lie still or move, I could not breathe, my legs were shaking. I was trying to not be scared but I was. I set my pride aside and left the room.
The owner, an osteopath, quickly came to help me. Knowing NOTHING about me, he adjusted and settled me and said "there is a vampire taking your energy and it is time to live for yourself. Nobody but yourself". I cried. What does this mean?
I have reflected and spoken with people and just allowed what happened to happen. I feel a weight lifted as I think something told me to just enjoy the now but to really concentrate on myself. It is really intense when your body tells you things like this.
So, I went back to the studio yesterday and I felt like a new student. Some energy has been released, my balance and knees are still a bit sore and my spine series is tight, but I am now much more aware of the idea of listening to your body. It is all we have. In the end, it is me, myself and I.
Listen to your body. Listen to your gut, your back, your shoulders, your knees. Heal and care for yourself.
Namaste,
Pippa